Forgivneness

For me, the hardest thing about radical self love is forgiveness. I’ve seen what not forgiving yourself, and others will do to you. Years of holding on to a grudge, will take moments of your life away forever. I never want that to happen to me. So I’ve been diving deep into forgiveness lately.

“Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.”

The definition in itself is pretty powerful once you think about it. You can barley love yourself if you haven't forgiven those who've wronged you, but you will NEVER love yourself if you haven’t begun forgiving YOURSELF for what you have wronged. The very first step into letting go, is to lay down your grudges and regrets!

Easier said then done, I know.

As much as you think you might deserve an apology, waiting for what may never come could harm you more then what they even did to you in the first place. I have seen first hand how miserable waiting an entire lifetime for an apology can be. The physical and mental weights it puts on a person, all over mer drama?

Why waste your worries on something so meager when you could be out there conquering your dreams and life?

So forgive yourself for holding on to that name in your head right now. Walk into your bathroom, and look directly in the mirror and tell yourself, That name doesn’t hold power in your happiness. That you hope that name is living their life happily too. Now understand that where they are and whatever they may be doing is not of concern to you. It will not effect you, It does not define you, and all that matters is your own underling happiness.

What defines you is who you are in this moment, and every moment moving forward. What you’ve done and said in the past, is in the past. When I catch myself fretting over something old I stop my self and think, I could be cuddling my dog right now. I could be spending time with my parents, I could call my distant family who I miss, I could be kissing my amazing husband. There are so may better ways to be spending my precious time then worrying about something I can’t change and left in the past. If you are finding yourself screaming names now, or blushing your cheeks in remembrance of something you did you regret, Here is a list of suggestions that with time and patience could turn you free from guilt or grudge.

• Un-block your grudges

Meaning, look them in the face and start dealing with them. There are only so many circumstances that you can truly hide from your regrets. (Like moving to a different country!) Even then your past will haunt you if you don't work through it!)

• Every time you think of that name, say (out loud) “I wish them well, I’ve moved on”

• Every time you think of your regrets say (out loud) “I’ve grown so much, I’m not that person now, I’ve moved on”

• Say your sorry.

It’s okay to say sorry, even if you believe you have nothing to be sorry for. Sometimes it’s just being the bigger person.

• Write a letter then through it in the trash

Write a letter to the person or situation, then through it away. Proceed with your day.

• Visit someone that you love

I love going to see my great Aunt, because she has a no bull shit policy. She will tell me what I need to hear, whether I want it our not. Same with my big sister!

• Do something really kind, it’s okay to earn brownie points with yourself.

If it starts with changing you, start being kinder to others! You aren’t being a fake, I promise. It feels so good to do good for others.

• Tell people you care and love them more often

A simple, Hey when I said “Blah Blah Blah, I didn't mean it to sound that way. I really do dig your new blah blah” Things like that can send subtle “I care about your feelings” Vibes, and can make a difference in maintaining relationships.

You are a kind, heart warming person. You deserve to live your life happily. Let those who have hurt you go, they are serving your mind no purpose hanging around. Let go of the things you've done that make you squirm just thinking about it, Those actions do not match with who you are right now. Mend your fences and improve.

And remember, Rome was not built in a day.

#RadicalSelfLove #RSL #Series